how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
