Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
