i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
