You can't motorboat a personality
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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