For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
