does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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