His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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