guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
