I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
