The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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