Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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