I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
