in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
