Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
