it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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