is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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