I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize