battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
