you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
