Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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