That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
