I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
