areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
