He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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