well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize