A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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