I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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