I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ugly people sure do ruin things
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
