Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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