So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
