Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
