..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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