i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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