So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
