I cannot find my penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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