Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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