Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
