i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
