At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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