I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
