the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
