you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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