totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
