You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
