Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
