worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
