Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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