no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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