I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
