Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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