So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
