very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
