Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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