I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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