Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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