im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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