just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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