Tell her she can't have a vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
