People in love make me want to vomit
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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