the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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