I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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