my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
