I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
