If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So here I am, sexting at work.
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