Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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