Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
