I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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