look no pants
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
