Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
