I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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