we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
