I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize