After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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