i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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